A network of adoptive families, birth families, and adoption professionals which exists to improve the lives of children and others touched by adoption through support and education. UFA is actively engaged in community outreach and advocacy to raise awareness of adoption as a loving option.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Why Adoption? ~ Hanna's Story

Today we hear from Hanna, a Birth Mother.
Her sweet story gives her answer as to why she chose adoption for her baby.
Thank you Hanna for sharing something so special with all of us!
You are amazing!
~
When I was asked to be a guest blogger, I was surprised to find the task daunting. It’s one thing to talk about my adoption experience, but I find it somewhat difficult to write about it.  Not because it was a terrible experience, but because it was such an amazing, fantastic, and joyous experience! It’s hard to collect all those thoughts and feelings into a simple, easy to understand story.  I love sharing my story though, because I think more people need to see that adoption can be a beautiful thing! It has the ability to bless all who are involved in the process. Here is my story:

I became pregnant shortly after graduating high school.  I had recently left my baby’s birth father because of lifestyle differences and found out a week later that I was pregnant. Becoming pregnant was actually a blessing from the very beginning.  I had struggled in the week after leaving him.  I loved him and wanted to be with him.  When I discovered I was carrying a child, I knew I could not subject a child to that way of life so therefore I could not subject myself to that way of life. That reason alone kept me strong.

I knew I was going to place my baby for adoption even before I was certain I was pregnant.  Maybe because I was placed for adoption myself and understood that most adoptions happened out of love and not that the baby was unwanted.  Also, adoption, in my mind, just made sense.  I knew I could not provide the life she deserved at that time.  I had love, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.  Probably the strongest reason though, was because I could not provide a father for her at that time.  I knew chances were good that I would become married at some point in my life, but there was no real guarantee.  What if I never got married?  What if I did get married and my husband did not love my baby as much as I did?  There were just too many unknowns in my mind to take those chances with her well being.  I believe strongly that fathers are very important in a child’s life.  My own adoptive father passed away shortly after I was placed for adoption from an unexpected heart attack.  I was only 11 months old. My mother was a very good mother, but there’s only so much a mother can provide.  It pains me to hear people say that fathers are not important.  I know things happen that are out of our control, but with my decision to place my baby for adoption, I could control the beginning of her start in life by placing her in a home with a mother and a father.

    I was actually extremely excited about the prospect of adoption.  When I told my mother that I was pregnant, she said, “What are we going to do?” I replied, “I don’t know (except that I did know…) but I’m going to be excited!”  The deed had already been done and although pregnancy had not been intended, it had happened nonetheless. I could either wallow in despair, or I could celebrate the miracle of life. I chose the latter. I began meeting with a counselor that specialized in birth moms and adoption. He encouraged me to look at both parenting and adoption, so that I could make an informed decision.  But every time I tried to envision parenting, my mind would wander to that unknown couple who were going to become parents in a relatively short time, and had no idea!  My counselor let me begin the process of choosing a family when I was 6 months along, which turned out to be a rather short process. My family was “Couple A,” the first family on a stack of profiles to look through.  I looked at others to appease people, but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I had found my baby’s mother and father. They were not spectacular and there was nothing overly amazing about them, they were just normal. And exactly what I wanted. I wanted a couple that would do their best to provide for her and do their best to raise her right, even when mistakes would inevitably be made.  A couple that loved each other as much as they loved my baby.  “Couple A” was that family.

    I had so much fun planning how I would announce to my baby’s family.  My mother (who supported me through the whole process) and I planned a “Movie Night” for them. We constructed a popcorn bucket from a paper paint bucket and red electrical tape. We then added popcorn, soda, a box of theater style candy and a video of by baby’s ultrasound set to music.  We designed two mock movie tickets that you can see in the photo I included.  I wrote a letter that told them that I wanted this night to be a night full of laughter and joy.  I also told them they were not allowed to be sad for me, because I was not sad. I was happy! More than happy, I was filled with love and excitement for my baby and for them.  They wrote back and said that they had been overjoyed and there had been plenty of laughter, but there had been a few tears, not of sadness, but of joy.

    The rest of my pregnancy went quickly and smoothly.  We exchanged many letters through my counselor and were able to meet once in person. Little “E” was two weeks late coming into this world and the day before she was born I met with my doctor.  He said to me that he was sure I was exhausted and ready to be done with being pregnant.  I replied that I was not and that I was placing her for adoption so this was the only time I had with her and to be able to spend an extra two weeks with her was joyous. I looked up at my doctor and noticed there were tears in his eyes.  I’m pretty sure not many people can say they made their gynecologist cry! I was induced the next day and I had my baby’s family called every step of the way during her delivery and had them called immediately after I had signed the release papers.  Two days later I placed my baby in their arms and said goodbye.  

     Life after placement has gone well!  E’s parents kept me well informed through letters and pictures.  They even sent me the shoes she learned to walk in and a book that had been her favorite as a baby.  When E was about two, we ran into each other at a theater production.  I was terrified!  I told them that that had not been my plan and that I was sorry.  They quickly replied “No! We want more contact!”

    E is a number of years older now and is such a joy to her family. It has been wonderful to be able to see her grow.  Having E has been a blessing in more ways than I could ever count, and a blessing in the lives of so many others.  She has shown me that from deep sorrow, overwhelming joy can be found.  Thank you E, for choosing me.

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story!

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  3. What an amazing story. I love it! Thanks for sharing.

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  4. So sweet! I love how you told the adoptive parents you had chosen them! Totally made me cry. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  5. Great blog! I just found you from The R House, and am excited to read more posts!

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  6. Thanks for sharing your story. You are an inspiration!

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