A network of adoptive families, birth families, and adoption professionals which exists to improve the lives of children and others touched by adoption through support and education. UFA is actively engaged in community outreach and advocacy to raise awareness of adoption as a loving option.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

What Being a Birth Mother Means to Me

My journey as a birth mom started almost 7 years ago. For some time, I pondered my place as “C”’s birth mom. I was not his mother but I am more than a friend. I am not quite an aunt and not quite a sister. So, what am I? How do I define myself as “C”’s birth mother? 
Sierra and "C" at 4 1/2 months old
I thought I had found the answer but on December 18th, 2010, I realized I had been mistaken. My daughter was born that day. A child I would raise with my husband. I feel guilty saying this but I did not have much emotion when she was first born. I just stared at her, not feeling much. 

A few hours after her birth, my husband was curled up on a cot, sleeping soundly and my new baby was swaddled tightly and exhausted from birth. As a stared at her wondering why I did not feel anything, another baby’s face came into my mind. It was a little boy instead of a little girl. It was my “C”. I began to cry. I cried and cried, thinking of my “C”. I held my baby tight, letting tears fall on her pink cheeks. 

At that moment, I realized why I had felt nothing for my sweet little baby girl. I was afraid. I was afraid loving would my daughter would mean I do not love “C” anymore. Once I cried and realized that I could never stop loving “C”, the immense love I knew I had for my new baby came pouring into my heart. 
Sierra and her daughter
On the day, I did not become a mother to my first. I may only have “one” child but I am a mother to two. I am more than a sister. More than an aunt or friend. I am a birth mother. A birth mother is a special kind of mother. Only other birth mothers can understand this role. I hold my role as a birth mother as a sacred role. It is a role that can never be taken away and a role that has a special place in my heart.

“C” once told his mom, “My birth mom is special.” I think “C” hit the nail on the head with that one. Birth moms ARE special! I now know my role as “C”’s birth mother. I am special. I do not have to fit into the category as aunt, sister or friend. I am a different kind of mother and that is ok. I am birth mom and I will never stop loving my first “first” born.
- Sierra Kilpatrick 
Sierra and her daughter

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